Help For Troubled Marriages

Being a Christian does not insulate your marriage from times of trouble. Like every other person walking around and breathing, Christian relationships can be ransacked with the pain of infidelity, the cold distance resulting from bitterness, and the loneliness of conflict. Here are 5 things you can do to bring a sense of stability and sanity to a troubled Christian marriage:

1. Recognize there is a problem
As a counselor, I am always amazed at the energy that is spent in denying the existence of a troubled relationship. Spouses – male and female – will go to great lengths to avoid dealing with a problem. Problems will be denied, overlooked, or even ignored in hopes that they will somehow resolve themselves. Sadly, it does not happen, and couples find their relationship in dire circumstances.
Couple Tip: Admit there is a problem. You do not necessarily have to agree on the cause of the problem. Simply agreeing a problem exists can cause a change in attitude.

2. “Quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”
James 1:19 reminds us to “Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” (The Message). Quick tempers and a lack of listening to one another is a sure fire way to get into an argument. James emphasizes the significance of listening over talking.
Couple Tip: Consider whether you are truly listening to your spouse’s need or are you interrupting so that you do not have to take any blame?
3. Do not make a major life changing decisions regarding divorce
When I counsel couples I am always interested in whether one spouse has already spoken to a divorce attorney. This often tells me the depth of their emotional pain. Hasty decisions can have permanent consequences. Divorce can always take place. Reconciliation after divorce requires more work.
Couple Tip: If you feel like talking to a divorce attorney then consider talking to a trusted friend about your motives. Are you making your decision based on emotion?
If you do talk to an attorney, do not make any final decision for 60 – 90 days. Emotions can be very volatile even for 30 days.

4. Support, support, support
Assuming you both desire to save your marriage, I encourage you to find some likeminded fellow Christians that can walk with you during this time. Many churches have marriage mentor programs, or a pastor to will meet with you. Some of the best advice we received was even from older couples that my husband and I sought out to talk with.
Couple Tip: Dare to ask for help. It is much easier to isolate than to reach out. No one can help you if you do not ask for it.

5. Pray blessings for your spouse
Too often when we are in the midst of crisis, our prayers remain self focused. If I shift my focus from wanting justification for my behavior to blessings for my spouse then my attitude will become more peaceful. Therefore, I am more amiable and approachable.
Couple Tip: Write down 15 things you are grateful for your spouse for, and share the list with them either verbally or in a card or email.

6. Get some professional help.
Sometimes it is difficult to see the end of the tunnel when we are in the middle of a storm. It is important to get some professional help, especially if you feel like you are reaching a dead end or getting stuck in that same old patterns.

Couple Tip: Find a local counselor that can help you work through the issues of your marriage. Ask your pastor, or friends for a referral of a qualified counselor.
Being a Christian does not guarantee your relationships will be wrinkle free. However, God does promise to walk with us through these times, and provide respite when we need it. (Psalm 23) and provide hope for troubled marriages.
Are you looking for help with your Christian marriage? I invite to visithttp://www.greatchristianmarriages.com/ for more resources that can help save your marriage, even if you are the only person that is seeking help.
Terre Grable is Christian licensed professional counselor in Franklin, Tennessee. She enjoys helping couples strengthen and rebuild intimacy within their marriage and relationships.
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How To Get A Man To Respect You

To gain respect from a man, you must demonstrate that you respect yourself, and that you respect others. Self-confident people, with high self-esteem, will be less likely to be disrespectful relationship. According to the Mayo Clinic, people who have low self-esteem or a negative self-image will feel the negative impact in many parts of their life, including their relationships. By improving your self-esteem; your self-respect will increase, triggering more respect from a man.

Step 1

Reduce your negative thinking patterns. Start by making note of those patterns, the Mayo Clinic suggests. Notice whether you tend to dismiss the positives, and only remember the negatives. Take the time to challenge your negative thoughts, and replace them with positive ones. Keep doing this until you naturally begin to have positive thoughts. A positive thought process will increase your self-confidence and your feelings of worth.

      

Step 2

Avoid talking down to yourself in front of the man. Do not call yourself negative words in general, but especially in front of the man you want to respect you. If you make a mistake, avoid faulting yourself; suggest that it was a result of the situation.

Step 3

Respect yourself by engaging in activities that demonstrate your self-respect. If you respect yourself, the respect from a man will increase. Avoid doing things that make you feel worthless or uncomfortable. Tell people “no” if they ask you to do something you do not want to do.

Step 4

Move with confidence. Your body posture and the way you use your nonverbal cues can express to a man how you feel about a situation or yourself, notes Helpguide.org. When you walk, hold your head up and keep your back straight. This will make you look confident and sure of yourself. Avoid looking down at the ground. Make eye contact when you are engaged in conversation.

Step 5

Ask for respect. Tell the man how his comments and actions make you feel. Provide him with examples of things he has said and done that make you feel disrespected. Tell him that he must respect you if the relationship is going to continue.

Step 6

Question his disrespectful behaviors or actions immediately. Tell him how he is being disrespectful as soon as he does it. Do not allow the disrespect to continue. If he continues being disrespectful, leave the situation; returning only when he has stopped. If you remain while he is being disrespectful, you might begin to believe the things he says.
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